The Life And Times of A Teenage Drama Llama

Wow....

2009-08-25T10:55:00.001-07:00

I promised I'd update soon, but...I haven't. Oh well. I'm doing my best.

I'd gotten over my snit(for specifics on my snit, you can just look at my last blog entry) by the time Rachel finally got here, and I was SO EXCITED!!!! She's a great friend, and I miss her SO MUCH already. It's hard to think that it will be something like a year before I see her again....which is why I try not to think about it.

She did actually stay at my house for pretty much every day of her visit except the last one, because she didn't want to cause a ruckus when they had to leave for a plane at 4:30 in the morning. And mostly, she did stuff with me. We did things with her other friends, but it just worked out that she spent the most time with me. Which is....pretty cool. And made me feel like an angry, stupid teenager after my being angry with her.

Anyway, we went blueberry picking, and we made millions of blueberry-flavored desserts, and we went to our town's Corn Fest (which got rained out on the final night of the Festival because of the torrential downpour that Gowanda and Silver Creek shared with us). It was so fun! We also went to Amish country and waved at all of the Amish people, and we watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off on her last night at my house. Anyone who hasn't seen Ferris Bueller's Day Off, it's a great movie from the 80's and I highly recommend it.

We also did VBS together. Well...the first two days, at least. Truth be told, I wasn't thrilled about helping out with VBS this year, but I kind of got conned into it. I went up to tell the group of ladies at my church that I wasn't going to be able to do it, and they started in before I could tell them that!

Honestly, kids can be REALLY annoying. But it was fun, and Rachel helped me keep from losing my temper (mostly).

The day before she left (but she had already left to stay at another friend's house), I ran a 5K. That's about 3.1 miles, for anyone who didn't know that. Wait a minute---I didn't exactly run. I ran the first mile, then went run-walk for a 2:2 minute ratio for the rest of the race. I know, I know. Not that impressive. But I finished. And that made me pretty proud. Most of my fellow soon-to-be 11th graders? They haven't. So there.

Even if I did come in 194th place, even if the ambulance actually came in ahead of me, I finished.

Not to mention I'm joining cross-country. Not gonna lie, it's HARD. I can't run the full course without walking. Admittedly, my school has one of the more challenging cross-country courses, but still, I'm pretty much the slowest person on the team. I won't lie and say I don't care. I do, somewhat. And yes, it bothers me a little, just because in so many academic and singing activities, I'm one of the best. Or at least not last.

But this is something that's not my forte. It's not my comfort zone. It's not something I've ever really tried before this summer.

And I'm so WEAK, compared to the rest of the cross-country team! Especially the guys. They're all REALLY hardcore. Or at least they have more muscles, because they're guys. And in general, guys have more muscles than girls. I think that there are definitely people that break the stereotype in each gender, but part of it's how we were physically created.

After running the course--at least, that's what I did--we went to the weight room and did core training, and that HURT. We did three sets of 10 on different machines, but in between each set, we had to do sit-ups or push-ups. Eventually, Mr. Huber(our coach) told me to just work on sit-ups, because admittedly, I can't do a full push-up. I have no upper-body strength at all. Seriously, I got a 1 second time for the flex arm hang in gym class.

This year, I want to do a lot of things differently. I want to do better in my classes, do as well as I can. I want to be better in gym class. I want to help out with the different clubs I'm in and finish out the cross-country season, maybe even do track.

But most of all, I want to sing, sing with no inhibitions and no nervousness, just sing.

Which is one reason why I'm annoyed that we don't know what the musical is yet. I REALLY want to know, so I can get ready and get in character and generally be awesome.

Speaking of awesomeness, something that is NOT awesome? I can't take German this year. It stinks, because I don't take honors math(I possibly could, but it was hard for me to keep above a 90 and I didn't remember a lot of it). Algebra 2/Trig, the math class I have to take this year, is exactly the same time as German 4, the German class I'd be taking this year. And to make it WORSE? I have one free space in my schedule, which I already knew German didn't fit into, but NO GOOD CLASSES are available in that free time. I mean, Spanish 2 might be interesting, but I WANT GERMAN.

You might not get it, but German's important to me. I love learning the different words and phrases, and doing all sorts of fun stuff with my German class. It's probably one of my favorite academic classes(Chorus doesn't count). With German, we get to do fun things. In English and History, we just have to do what the tests want us to know.

It's hard to explain. Also, German is the one thing I've always been really good at, and I like it. It's not just that we do fun things in class, knowing German has always been fun for me. I've always been the best in my class(at least until last year, which I'm still a little bitter about). It's something that I can know the answers to. It's....it's a part of me, as cheesy as that sounds. And it nearly kills me to think about not being able to do it this year.

Stupid schedules.

What's New

2009-07-30T14:47:00.000-07:00

So....yeah, I think it may have been more than a week since I last updated. Crap. Oh, well. I'll try to be better at that.

There's been a lot of stuff that's gone on since my last post. I went to ShakeXperience, for one, and it was AMAZING!!! I made some pretty awesome friends, and I read a sonnet during the performance, and I really learned to love Shakespeare even more! I also learned that, considering I've grown up right next to Shakespeare in Delaware Park, I've always been very Shakespeare spoiled. We went to see a community production of Julius Caesar, and I was surprised by the small stage and everything, just because I'm used to a big hill and a big, permanent stage...and it was the first night. Some girls went to see it the second night, and said that they fixed most of the problems.

Other things that happened---um, my sister's grad party(which was good for her but made me feel totally unloved), Godspell (2 shows, very much fun), and....oh, yeah. My best friend Rachel's coming to visit.

I would totally be pissed at her right now but for the fact that I can't. And that pisses me off even more. Seriously---if Rachel acted like this when she was still living in Eden, I wouldn't even be talking to her right now. But just because she's going back to China in two weeks, I can't be as pissed off as I want to be. I may just have to plan things for when she's here so I can make it clear that my life doesn't revolve around her every whim. Seriously, why should I expect her to stay at my house for most of her visit? You know, BECAUSE she's my best friend, and BECAUSE I spent so much time trying to clean it up for her. But apparently, I shouldn't expect that, because "other people will want her too".

It still pisses me off.

It's just---I give up SO MUCH for her. My time, my money---when she visits, and throughout the year. I'm tempted to just say "I'm done" and not talk to her at all when she comes this time.

You know what? It's her choice. I'm going to be just as calm and sarcastic as she is when we meet up again. I'm tired of putting so much into this and getting so little out. Let's see how you like a reflection, Rachel dearest.

My Addiction, My Issues

2009-07-06T14:41:00.000-07:00

So....

Yes, I'll admit it. I have an addiction. Not only does it take away hours of my precious time, but also much of my money goes towards this addiction. My dad is an addict too, although he isn't quite as big of an addict as me. Yes, I'm addicted.....

...to comics. They're so AMAZING, they make me do a fangirl squeal sometimes. Like when I finish books, and they have such a good ending that they make me giggle...of course, people find that a little strange. But it's how I am. I'm very sensitive, so I can relate easily to stories and comics and such. And the happy endings make me happy. It's hard to explain.

Anyway, back to comics.

My Loves

Yes, I am calling them that. It may be creepy, but it's how I am. Deal. Well, anyone who might be reading this, which I doubt anyone is.

So, my loves. First off, I am mostly a Marvel girl. If I had to choose which one had to go out of business, I'd choose Marvel over DC in a heartbeat. That being said, I am a DC fan, but only a /slight/ DC fan. Meaning, I love the Teen Titans. The younger, cooler Teen Titans, although I'm sure I'd like the older ones if I read them. They are AWESOME!!! I loves them.

Anyway, my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE comic?

X-men, just in general. I have the 90's TV series (somewhere...), the X-men: Evolution TV series, an X-men Through the Ages novel, the Guide to the X-men book(something like an Encyclopedia for the X-men), the Ultimate X-men series volumes 1-16, X-23: Target X, and random assortment of X-men, Uncanny X-men, New X-men, Generation X, and New Mutants comics. I love almost all of the characters---my favorite? It would have to be Nightcrawler. He's just so---AWESOME.

Well, except his Ultimate version. That's a little screwy. But other than that---I luvs him!

Second favorite? Tied--in the X-men: Evolution version, I love Pietro and love writing angsty Pietro fanfiction. In the comic-verse and such, I LOVE X-23. She is made of awesome.

The Hates---I'll admit it, I despise Jean and Scott. No matter what version they are. They're just annoying. Especially Scott--he's so anal-retentive. Really, man, just face it; Wolverine will always be cooler and awesomer and you need to just get the stick out of your butt and move on.

I like Emma Frost better than Jean simply because---well, to put it bluntly, Emma may be a slut, but at least she's a slut with attitude. Almost all the time I see Jean, she's little more than a cardboard cutout meant to compliment Scott. Plus---WOULD YOU JUST STAY DEAD? Really, all of this reincarnation gets a little annoying, Jean.

Anyway.....so, yeah. I like the X-men. I am also a fan of the Runaways---if you haven't read that comic series, you should!--and the Young Avengers, who have occasionally teamed up with the Runaways. That's how I learned about them in the first place.

I like other comic books--I'll read almost anything--but those are my favorites.

So, now that you're done listening to my somewhat boring talking about my love of comics...

What's New

Well, my friend from China is coming in EIN MONAT!!!! For those who don't know German, that's ONE MONTH!!! I'm really excited, especially because she'll be here in time for the Corn Festival. Now, that may not sound like much to you, but that's our town's biggest thing. It has rides and stuff, and it may not be much compared to the county fair, but I love it. I always have SO MUCH FUN on all of the rides with my friends, and we can walk about and stuff, and it's always so great!

Hmm....it's rather ironic--not the Corn Fest, but something else. Specifically, the fact that the first time I'm ever in Godspell is the one time where I'm least sure about my faith. I've had bad times before, but none like this. I love my church, but...it's so draining. They're always wanting something from me. Wanting, wanting, wanting, and never giving.

I know that church isn't supposed to give, or something like that. But my youth group---the girl they have in charge is someone that I don't think should be. I'm friends (sort of) with her brother, and if half the things he tells me about are true, I don't want her leading our youth group. It's so annoying, too, because---I love this church. I love it so much. And then I apply for CCYM (Conference Council Youth Ministry--think a large group of kids deciding things for youth retreats and stuff), and she gets chosen instead of me. I think, "That's fine. I don't mind too much. They said I could be an unofficial member and everything."

Then, me and her both want to be youth group leader. She's all like, "Wow, both of us working together would be a good idea!"......that is, until the day of the voting, about five minutes before we find out the result. And guess who wins?

Not me.

And I smiled and everything, but it hurt. Because I am older and I have been there longer and they said that I could be an "unofficial" therapist for the youth group or something like that.

I wanted to say, "I DON'T WANT TO BE AN 'UNOFFICIAL' ANYTHING, DAMMIT!"

I said something like, "Mmhm," because I was trying to keep looking happy and keep from crying.

I thought I had gotten over this, but---now it's summer, and I can see that I haven't. I don't want to be a part of this youth group, where none of my friends go besides my sort-of friend.

My Sort-Of Friend

Well, this is kind of hard to explain, but I'm sort-of friends with a guy. I'll call him, Collen. And Collen and I are both very mcuh alike--we're both musical types, we both have a lot of the same friends, and we're both prone to being overdramatic and rather sensitive.

The problem with me and Collen is that it's a very volatile relationship. We're either on pretty good terms or pretty bad terms. And it seems like this year, it's been mostly bad terms.

The last time Collen was actually nice to me? At least, that I'm absolutely sure of?

My birthday. Last November. In case you haven't noticed, it's July.

It's just---GAH! I want to be friends with him, but I'm doing all the giving and he's doing all the taking, and that's not how friendships work. I think he's only really apologized to me once--and that was because when we got into a really bad fight a few years ago, he called me some names. Like, biggest [insert swearword here] in the class" type of stuff. Or calling me "Ms. Piggy". In case you haven't guessed, I'm somewhat obese, so that was kind of a low blow. But he apologized for that.

But---so many times, it's HIS fault. So why am I always the one apologizing?

Speaking of apologizing, I'm sorry that this is such a long blog. I didn't really intend to be, but---summer tends to be an angsting time for me. I don't know why, but everything seems bleaker.

I can't wait until Rachel comes and everything makes sense.

Hi Y'all

2009-06-25T05:53:00.000-07:00

Well, this is going to be interesting.

See, I'm not exactly sure who I'm talking to, but I have things to say. So...I guess I'll say them. I'm not sure if some of my friends and family may like them, but it's how I feel.

Today--The Most Failtastic Morning

Well, today I woke up to my mom giving me the phone. Apparently, I never turned in my German textbook. Then, I found out I got a 92 on my German Regents. Now, a 92 might not be bad....but it is to me. Both of my older sister are German geniuses. My sister Thea? She got a perfect score on the Regents. I enjoyed being the best in class...until, of course, my best close-by friend beat me in class average. And I'm guessing she got better than a stupid 92.

Then, I decided to see my SAT scores that came out today, hoping that it would cheer me up.NOPE! I decided to take them a year early, just to practice....and I didn't study. And I got....a 680 in reading and a 5...40? in math. Next year, I'll get double 800's. Next year.

So...all in all, a most failtastic morning.

But this afternoon's looking up!

What I'm Doing This Afternoon:

1. Going to Godspell rehearsal--and hoping that they didn't forget I exist, for all I'm a "member who OF COURSE we'll find lines to give you". Yeah...so far, no lines. Liars.

2. Filming the rest of what may be the most ridiculous film ever filmed. It's for the Hamburg Film Festival, the deadline of which is three days away. Of course, I won't be able to go to the premiere/viewing/whatever of all of my competition and my films, but I'm hoping that I can still enter. I don't know if there's a prize or not---if there is, awesome. If not, then at least I made the most ridiculous film ever.

3. Going to my friend's house for my first piano practice EVER! I'm excited about this, because I've been wanting to learn piano for a long time. And for Christmas, I got this set of piano-teaching software.....and then I learned how failtastic it was. Really, it was epic fail. So my friend offered to teach me this summer, and I'm quite looking forward to it.

4. Playing the saxophone with Wind Ensemble for my sister's graduation. Really, they should just put in some canned music. Because not only are we only relatively good, but you have to play FOREVER. You have to play Pomp And Circumstance over and over and over and over until all of the seniors are on the stage. Then, at the end, you have to play Crown Imperial over and over and over and over until every single person has left the auditorium. Besides us. And last year, a woman just stood there, clapping and laughing, and she DIDN'T LEAVE. But I am extremely proud of my amazing and wonderful sister. Well, wonderful most of the time. But she shall go off to college and become uber-smart and uber-funny and I'll remain in her shadow forever. Or something like that.

Who am I

You know, you'd think that I'd remember this at the beginning. But I didn't. So...who am I? Well, I'm not going to tell you my name, but I live in a place called Eden, New York. Haven't heard of it? Don't worry, anyone who doesn't live near Eden has ever heard of it. It's near Buffalo. We have farms and cows and more farms and--did I mention farms? No joke, our annual shindig is called the Corn Festival. We have two chain places in Eden, a Subway and a rather new Tim Horton's. The rest is local. Eden has a lot of hills and a lot of farmer's sons. Farmer's sons is just a nicer term for rednecks. I recognize that many people in Eden, including some farmer's sons and daughters, are not rednecks. But many of them are. New York was democratic in general--I think. But Eden was distinctly republican in the last election. Me? I'm an Obama fan. I even went to the Inauguration, although through some quirk of fate we ended up freezing to death on the parade route and only two of my family(those two not including me) got to see the President going by on the parade route. Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to vote.

Besides living in Eden? In case you haven't guessed, I like to write. I like writing opinions and fiction more than I like writing in English, but I like writing nonetheless. I also like singing acting, and comic books.

You'll notice before that I said "my best close-by friend". That's because I have two best friends: Christine, who still lives in Eden, and Rachel, who lived in Eden from first grade to last year and then moved to Suzhou, China. Not the best thing to ever happen to one's best friend, but we get by. Thank goodness for Skype and e-mail!

I'm Christian, and not afraid to say so, although like everyone else, I have my doubts. If you don't want to read about that part, then you can just skip it.

Lastly, if any of my family is reading this--DON'T. I don't want you reading this. It's nothing personal, it's just...you're my family. And for some reason, I feel like I can tell complete strangers things that I can't tell my family.

So...hi everyone, and welcome to the angst filled life of a teenage drama llama.

UPDATE 7/9-- So, my mom looked at my scores with me, and apparently I was reading my SAT scores wrong. I did get a 580 in math, but apparently that's not bad, and I got a 760 in my Reading, which makes me happy---and determined to do better next year.